My Walk on El Camino de Santiago: Let it Out

Several days into my journey on the Camino, I woke up crying at 4:00 AM. This wasn’t just a tear elegantly sliding down my cheek, this was an outpour. My tears didn’t have a clear emotion tied to them, yet I sobbed uncontrollably; my voice wailing and my body shuddering. I covered my face with a pillow, wondering what is this???

In Paulo Coelho’s book, The Pilgrimage, about his experiences on the Camino, he describes a similar weeping incident as a “spiritual cleansing.” (Of course, I didn’t read this book until I had returned home. If only I had known what I was in for! See Lesson #1, “Know What You Are Signing Up For.”)

But, when my last tear was shed and my breathing normalized, I felt amazing. I felt as if I had unloaded a ton of bricks from my very soul. Something about the walk and the exhaustion and the beauty of the road had knocked things loose inside of me and I had become free of them. I felt my mind and body lighten.

We can all hold on to old anger and resentments. We have worries and stresses that we carry with us wherever we go. We tend to hold difficult feelings in rather than leaning into them. Struggling with your feelings often leads to more suffering. By trying to numb certain emotions, you may block positive ones. Being human means having a range of emotions and you can't have the joy without the pain.

You can think of feelings as waves in the ocean. They come in and go out. They are temporary and necessary parts of growth. Holding things in only makes them stronger and harder to overcome. Let them out.

Though I did not intentionally purge and process my feelings on that early morning, I now know that I can and how it will unburden me. Ultimately, we deserve to let ourselves experience all of our emotions and to be kind and gentle with ourselves.