Helping Someone with Depression

"When depression sufferers fight, recover and go into remission we seldom even know, simply because so many suffer in the dark…ashamed to admit something they see as a personal weakness…afraid that people will worry, and more afraid that they won’t...I celebrate the fact that each time we go through this, we get a little stronger.  We learn new tricks on the battlefield.  We learn them in terrible ways, but we use them.  We don’t struggle in vain."

- Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy: a Funny Book About Horrible Things

If someone you care about is depressed, you may be experiencing any number of difficult emotions, including helplessness, overwhelm, frustration, anger, guilt, and sadness. It’s not easy dealing with a friend or family member’s depression. Below you will find suggestions for how you can help others and how to talk about depression without increasing the risk of harm.

• Be a compassionate listener rather than giving advice.
• Take walks or do other physical activities together
• Be patient. Focus on small goals.
• Learn as much as you can about depression and local services.
• Get active in their care and encourage doctor visits.
• Take care of yourself. Set boundaries and seek support.

What to say: You’re not alone in this.
What NOT to say: There’s always someone worse off than you are.

What to say: You are not going crazy.
What NOT to say: So you’re depressed. Aren’t you always? Snap out of it.

What to say: I can’t really understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion.
What NOT to say: I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days.

What to say: Do you want a hug?
What NOT to say: Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

"I’m lucky that I’ve learned that depression lies to you and that you should never listen to it, in spite of how persuasive it is at the time."
- Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy: a Funny Book About Horrible Things